Stressed out

I am in one of those periodic stages I have been throughout the pandemic in which I feel like the world is closing in on me. I'm stressed out and the only way I can get through is by taking life day by day, which I suppose is what everyone is doing.

We had someone test positive for Covid at my workplace, and that has me feeling anxiety. I think it has most of us feeling some degree of anxiety. I feel that I'm constantly monitoring my health: "Is that a sore throat I feel coming on? No, I guess not. Good. Can I still smell things? Yes? Good. Uh-oh, I just coughed. Is that just a normal cough? I guess so. Good." And on and on. I mean, I tend to be a bit neurotic anyway, but combine that with a pandemic and one positive test at work--the first one we have had to the best of my knowledge--and I am even more on edge than usual. 

Before I make this too much about me, I must say that I hope my co-worker who tested positive makes a full recovery.

By the way, yesterday marked the seven month anniversary of me returning to work in the office. My goal is to stay healthy until I can get the vaccine, whenever that is. Right now, it's looking like spring at the earliest.

And then there is the continuing fallout from the coup attempt on January 6. The next several days leading to January 20 will be fraught with tension. Is the violence over? Will the inauguration of Biden happen without a hitch? And if so, what happens in the aftermath? These are scary times, the likes of which none of us have ever seen before. As a somewhat naïve white American man, I always presumed that no matter  our differences in this country, the peaceful transfer of power was pretty much a given.* American institutions were such that everything would be "fine." At least to a certain extent, I believed in American exceptionalism. Coups and dictatorships were what happened in other countries, not in the strong, solid, democratic United States of America.

It seems clear that the violence is not over, and I hope that the National Guard and/or law enforcement is prepared to stop any further insurrection, but I'm anxiety-ridden. I have absolutely no faith in law enforcement in doing the right thing, and only slightly more faith in the National Guard. I hope to God I am wrong.

I am extremely worried about Inauguration Day, and would prefer Biden and Harris to take the oath of office indoors--though I understand Biden's wanting to defy the insurrectionists and have the ceremony outside. It seems too dangerous, though.

Even before Inauguration Day, the Trump Cult plans "demonstrations" on the days leading up to the 20th, and the FBI has reported that these are not simply "demonstrations." Violence and mayhem are in the cards.

The House of Representatives are scheduled to vote on a second Trump impeachment. I find laughable the claims by Republicans that impeachment will simply "divide" the country and create more violence. Haven't we already crossed that bridge? Trump needs to be punished for his attempted coup and for every bit of corruption that has taken place since his first impeachment, there is no way around it. The country is already divided and the Trump Cult will be violent whether there is an impeachment or not. Whatever "healing" that can take place in this country will not take place for a long time. 

So there you have it, I'm nervous as hell. My Fitbit tells me my heart rate has been above average for eight days in a row. I have no doubt that stress is the major contributing factor.

That's all for now...

*Note: Obama's first inaugural in 2009 was the only previous exception to this belief that the peaceful transition of power would take place without incident. In the back of my mind, I worried that Secret Service, Homeland Security, or the FBI would intervene on the dais and declare that "this has gone on long enough. We cannot have a black president."